Before anyone gets the wrong idea with this title, I do not mean the whole of your twenties, or that I’m now single! What I really mean, I guess, is that for a portion of my twenties I was single, and it taught me some really interesting, important things that I’ve come to really appreciate. In a couple of weeks I’ll be turning 27, and it’s normally this point in the year that I start to think back on the last year or so. I’ve learnt a huge amount in the last year alone, but those formative single years in my early twenties were key to my personality and goals as they are today. So I wanted to share why I think being single for some of your twenties in particular is important for a woman.
In my teenage years I really felt like I knew myself; you always have everything figured out when you’re 16 right? You know who you are and what your life will be like. At 16 I thought I was going to be a homeowner by the age I am now, with an amazing career, probably even a husband and a dog. Instead, here I am at nearly 27 living in a caravan on a remote Scottish island with 2 cats, a boyfriend, a blog and a job. All of which I positively adore, but it’s not where I thought I’d be ten years ago. I also didn’t stop to think that finding a life I truly loved would be so difficult and take so long.
I dated quite a few guys in my early twenties – mostly chefs, as you’ll know if you’ve been reading my blog since the beginning. There were a few other young men as well, all of which I thought was ‘it’. Some of them made me think “if this is it, it’s not as great as I thought it would be” but still you assume that every new releationship you start is the last one you’ll have to. The problem with all these thoughts and ideas when you’re so young is that you have no clue who you are or what you’re doing. If you’re 16 or so and sat there reading this thinking “whatever mate”, just please trust me, you hit your twenties and suddenly realise one day that you barely even know your own name, never mind what you want or what kind of relationship you’d like!
That’s why I think being single during some of your twenties is so important. Your twenties are truly formative years in which you start your adult life and really figure out what you’re doing and who you’d like to be for the rest of your life. But, you’re still incredibly young, so sometimes you’ll find yourself adopting characteristics of your chosen partner, or going along with things they want instead of standing up for what you want for yourself. This is one of the most important lessons I learnt when I was single – all those evenings alone at home really forced me to get to know myself and figure out what goals I wanted to focus on.
I guess really what I’m trying to say in all this rambling is that for women especially, your twenties are more of an education than being at school or uni. Finding out who you are and what you love about yourself is the only way to find someone to be in a happy, successful relationship with. So if you’re wondering, like I did, why you keep picking the wrong guys, try being single (like, really single, no Tinder, no dates, nothing) and just see what you learn about yourself. If nothing else, it’ll show you how well you can kick ass and take names as a single badass babe!