Hey guys, another Sunday, another post. This week I’ve had more than a couple of rants to myself about the one thing women really want (other than perfect skin and a self-filling wardrobe, obviously) – honesty.
Disclaimer – I’m not generalizing about all men here, or all women either. Because yes, there are some who will and do tell lies. There are women and men all over the planet who enjoy telling people lies, some of them get a kick out of knowing they’ve kept the truth from others. But that being said, I can’t stress enough how much most women get sick to the back teeth of men telling them the little white lies.
I’m a very honest person, so I have no problem with telling people that I use the Internet to meet men; we chat, we exchange numbers, we chat some more. And currently there’s 5 guys that I regularly talk to, all of whom are aware that I talk to the other 4. As I’ve been meeting people though, I’ve noticed how unusual it is for anyone to openly admit to how many people they talk to. And this has really annoyed me.
I’m not expecting to be the only girl you speak to, and I’m not expecting a relationship to blossom from every guy I meet online. What I do expect though, is that when I say “I talk to 5 guys regularly” you reply with “I talk to X number of girls”. You may ask why I expect this, and you may well be surprised that I do expect it, but I do because as a single woman in 2016, I see no reason to lie about anything to do with my life. I’m an open book. Ask me anything, I have nothing to hide. Hiding things makes it seem as though you’re ashamed of them, feel guilty about them, or just plain enjoy lying. All of the above though are big fat red flags when it comes to meeting potential partners.
Don’t sit there and tell me I’m special, or I’m renewing your belief in love, happiness or whatever, if I’m not. I don’t need to be special to you – I’m special to myself and the people in my life that I love and care about. That is more than enough. I do not need your validation, I just need your honesty.
A man who is transparent from the start is a man any woman can trust; a man who is upfront about everyone he speaks to, every girl he takes out on a date, is a man who any woman would be more willing to date. I can’t say it enough times – your honesty in all things is far more valuable to us than your smoothest chat-up line or your cheesiest compliment.
It’s 2016 guys, meeting people on the net is old-school now, as is the practice of Googling everyone you meet this way. We know a lot more about you than you’d like, I’m sure. But there’s a few key things you have to do as woman in this day and age if your chosen medium for meeting men is online. The first thing we look for is any signs of a girlfriend/wife, the second is children. Not because there’s an issue with a guy having children, but more because we’d like to be prepared for “the crazy baby momma” (who, by the way, is hardly ever crazy, in my experience). And then once we’ve got you on several forms of social media, we will always know if you’re lying to us about who and how many you talk to.
You’re a single person, talk to whoever you want, date whoever you want, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone, do whatever you want. But do not come at me with “you’re so special, I only talk to you, I’m not looking for other girls” when I can see on one form of social media or another that you are. I would far rather have your worst possible truth than your smoothest lie. Even if we both know it’s not going anywhere, there’s no need to single me, or any other girl, out if we’re not really special. Quite simply, it tells us that you’re already hiding things from us before we’ve even met in person, and if you’re hoping for a relationship with the person in question, that is a huge red flag.
So let’s be really clear about this – I don’t want flowers, I don’t want false compliments, I don’t want to be the girl who restored your faith in women. I want to be told the truth, I want to feel like if it went anywhere, you could be trusted, and I really, really, really want you to stop thinking that a little white lie is harmless. It’s the principle of the thing, after all.