Hey guys! This week I’m taking a little time out of the beauty talk to talk about something very close to my heart: RuPaul’s Drag Race!
Seriously though, I’ve spent this week binge watching Drag Race, and also having countless conversations with people about being single and how you heal after a break up, move on, and be happy. And RuPaul has been very helpful during these chats.
As any Drag Race fan will know, at the end of every episode RuPaul closes the show with the words “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else – can I get an Amen up in here?” All the queens shout Amen, music plays, people dance, it’s a beautiful moment. But it took me (embarrassingly enough) more than a whole season for the message to finally hit me. To begin with, it just seemed a bit of a gimmick, Ru loves her catch phrases after all! But actually, it’s a lot more important than that.
This week I had a conversation with a guy about singledom, moving on etc. and he made a comment about how talking to me had made being single a bit easier for him – we’ve been single near enough the same length of time, but I’m apparently doing so much better than him. In my mind, the answer is pretty simple really: I’m carefully nurturing the one lifelong relationship I will ever have – me.
You are stuck with yourself from the moment you’re born to the moment you die; you’re in your own head 24 hours a day, every single day of your life. You may as well get to know yourself, and get to like yourself, because you’re the only one that you literally spend your entire life with. That’s what Ru’s getting at, and that’s what I’ve been doing since becoming single. Over the last few years I’ve jumped pretty quickly from one relationship to another, so this time round I’m deliberately taking my time; trying new things, talking to new people; getting to know myself again. And I’m finding the truth in those words every day really.
Learning to love your own company then means that you’re not going to make a bad romantic decision. Everyone has 20:20 hindsight, and we all know what we did wrong in past relationships. Personally, I pick men who are self-destructive. It’s a “here let me fix you” complex I have I guess. Cheats, workaholics, drug addicts, I’ve deliberately chosen to be with these guys. Now I’m following Ru’s advice though, the kind of men that approach me is changing. There’s still an enormous amount of crap, obviously, it’s the internet after all. But there is a difference, and the difference is becoming more marked the longer I’m single. By changing the way I see myself, and therefore project myself, the bad choices are easier to spot and much easier to avoid.
So, stop looking for the ‘right person’ – you’re the right person for yourself, you are the only one who spends every second with yourself, deal with it. Take yourself out on a date, get to know yourself, and fall in love with that person. If nothing else, it means you’ll be happy even if Mr Right is late to the party and stuck up a tree somewhere.