Vivien Leigh’s face gives me life. So much life and so much joy, because, like Ms. Leigh, I too suffer from the ultimate anti-ageing remedy – The Resting Bitch Face.
In fact, it runs in my family. Just the other week my Mum nearly got into trouble at work for appearing to have “a negative attitude”, until she started talking and suddenly became the friendliest and most approachable person imagineable. My Nan always looked like she was sucking a lemon. In all honesty though, she wasn’t the friendliest or most approachable person imagineable, but she still wasn’t a bitch, like people assumed. We are afflicted with genetic Resting Bitch Face.
The thing I’ve noticed about RBF is that people only have two reactions to it: “cheer up, it may never happen” or *avoid eye contact, back away slowly and make for the nearest exit*. On behalf of all RBF’ers, can I make one simply, tiny, iddy-biddy request?
STOP TELLING US TO CHEER UP!
People don’t understand how bloody annoying it is to hear that at least once a day, every day for your whole life. As far back as I can remember people have told me to “smile, it could be worse”. No. It could not be worse. Because for my whole life I have to deal with people assuming I’m in a foul mood. The one thing that is guaranteed to put me in a foul mood is these stupid snarky remarks, made by stupid friendly people with stupid friendly faces. It will never not be annoying as hell. Just stop it, immediately.
Now I’ve had my little rant, let’s talk about the positives of RBF, because there are many. First of, we age better because we’re not drawn into smiling falsely every five minutes. RBF keeps us young, and I can vouch for that given that my Mum hasn’t aged since 1989, and I still get ID’d buying matches.
RBF also seems to have a set of characteristics. It’s almost as if a particular kind of face makes for the strongest RBF. There are two main ingredients for the perfect RBF: wonky eyebrows (noticeably wonky that is); and cheekbones. I’ve been looking into this for a while, and every single RBF’er I’ve found has these two things in common, and they all have the most astoundingly perfect Resting Bitch Faces ever. Below is a little gallery of my favourite Resting Bitch Face legends. But a special shoutout has to go to the incredible Anna Wintour, for the simple fact that her RBF isn’t at all inhibited by huge sunglasses. #RBFgoals
And finally, here’s my own Resting Bitch Face. Cheekbones and wonky brows included. I used to hate it, but as I’m getting older, I’m grateful for my moody look. Firstly because it keeps me young, and second because yes, I do hate you but yes, it is also my face. I hate you for telling me to perk up, I hate you for finding it funny, and I hate you for feeling entitled to say something about my looks, despite being a stranger. It’s my face – my Resting Bitch Face and I wear it with pride. Sidenote – this T-shirt has saved me so much trouble explaining my face!